my experience

105451 weeks ago
my experience
After completing the final assignment of receiving one last Metawalk during our last Practitioner’s class, my classmate and I decided to re-write and conduct one of the specialty Metawalks on each other. We shared the voracity of our wolves’ hunger as well as our wishes in life with each other, in order to customize and personally review each of our Metawalk scripts in advance. The script planning and appointment setup was successful, as my classmate delivered my Metawalk the evening before I delivered hers.

Immediate Reactions. Shortly after listening to the Metawalk for the first time and during that same evening, I noticed I had unusually large bowel movements that continued to pronounce themselves quite strongly the next morning. I had not changed my eating habits and I began to think that the Metawalk was working to clean me out and start releasing the unnecessary toxins and accumulations in my physical body. These large evacuations have continued every day at random times of the morning and evening, in spite of the relatively limited quantities of food I have been eating at mealtimes.

Rough around the Edges. On Day Two, I felt exhausted and just as my physical body was releasing toxins it felt like my mind was doing the same. My communication was hard edged, direct and unusually devoid of the normal courtesies. In my mind, it was as though everything was in black and white instead of color. I felt my body and mind were moving unusually slowly and the words that escaped my mouth were unfiltered and uncalculated. Some cut like a knife and what was worse was that I felt no attachment to what I seemed to be was saying. On Day Three this resulted in an argument with my partner (I can count on one hand how many conflicts we’ve had in the two years we’ve been seeing each other) and after receiving a few inquisitive comments from acquaintances, I decided to lay low, not make any major decisions and just give myself the time and space I needed to balance myself again. By Day Four, I´d made amends and shifted my focus on tying up any loose ends with outstanding tasks that I had gotten distracted from and by Day Five, I felt I was more or less back to my usual routine.

The Morning Routine. I normally wake up between 6am and 7am and during the first quarter hour that I lie in bed, I begin to prioritize and organize all of the day’s activities. This daily morning ritual usually also has me remember any forgotten items on my task list, follow up inquiries I haven’t received an answer to, and plan birthday messages or similar. Every night before I go to bed, I inquire as to what my schedule will look like the next day and I usually receive the answers I’m looking for when I wake up the next morning.

The morning after the Metawalk, I woke up completely dazed and confused. I didn’t have a headache per se, but I felt an unusual pressure and heaviness in my head. I lay in bed during my quarter hour as though I had been stunned and then I finally decided to get up, not really knowing what to do with myself or even what day it was. I looked at my schedule and my task list and it all looked important to me. I had no idea where to start or what deadlines to set for myself, what my priorities were and how to organize my way through the mountain of tasks. In similar situations, especially seeing the sheer quantity of work before my eyes, I would tend to start getting overwhelmed. But I remained calm, started my computer and just started working on the first thing on my list and then the next with the feeling of having no real bearings as to what the consequences of the randomness of my behavior would be. This feeling of being lost and disoriented lasted for two full days, after which I was relieved to wake up on Day Four feeling I’d gotten my bearings back. 

One Hour More/Less. Since the very first morning after the Metawalk, I started waking up at 5am instead of 6am but have just rolled over in bed as this was psychologically too early for me. My quarter hour of lying in bed had me falling asleep and waking up three hours later! Waking up at 5am has continued every day and as the days went on, I started to become more and more accustomed to this time. Waking up on Day Four, I started feeling ready to try getting up at this time and adding one more hour to my mornings. For me, my mornings are precious as I am able to get a lot done in a very short amount of time. So I am actually looking forward to adding one more hour to my mornings and I will need to see if going to bed a bit earlier than midnight might also work better for me!

I Look and Feel Different. So my last and final comment is that I have connected with a two close friends via Skype and both of them have said that I look different. They said they noticed a physical change they couldn’t put their finger on both in my face and the gaze of my eyes, but more importantly, they said they noticed a distinct shift in my energy. It was subtle and still too difficult to place, but they promised to go off and think about it and get back to me once this was clearer for them.

Since this last Metawalk, I have been feeling that the pace of my heart (my heart rate) has noticeably increased. At times, I felt fearful and needed to remind myself that I decide how this is going to go. After the first few days of living in a haze, I now feel a greater clarity of mind with respect to my intentions as compared to my past. I feel I waste less time on second-guessing and other, similar mind games that made me hesitate and held me back from taking direct, confident action.

I dedicated this last Metawalk to my soul, and I have been doing some soul searching to gain new access as to what that means and what is there for me. The mere thought of having my dreams become a reality has opened up infinite new possibilities and ways of thinking…and with that, those dreams have gone from 2D to 3D. It’s supersonic color, sound and effects within a whole new realm of life that is unfolding continuously. And all of this, while keeping my pillar of values strong and present…of being a contribution and making a difference in the health and wellbeing of people in my life and in this world.

Final Words. No one knows what the future holds, but I feel blessed and grateful to have been able to experience the entire RS process. This final exercise has made me leave my resignation and cynicism behind, and has allowed me to start dreaming again for real. In the end, it doesn’t actually even matter whether the results of the Metawalks live or don’t live up to mine or anyone’s expectations. For me, what I have valued most about this entire process is seeing myself and my life with new eyes, and finding greater connection and affinity with who I am and what really touches, moves and inspires me and for this I am eternally grateful.

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